Child Autonomy

I authorize my child (name, grade level: enter a number between 0 and 6; for kindergarten, indicate 0) to leave alone. 

We arrived in Canada in the summer, and my 8 year old daughter went to a summer camp in a nearby park and community center. I would wait in line each morning to sign her in with the camp counselors. At the beginning of the summer, I saw the other parents waiting in line with their children. But as the summer wore on, many parents started dropping their kids off at the parking lot or park entrance, and the kids would wait in line alone (or rather, with the other kids) and check themselves in. We noticed that some kids were even walking to the park by themselves, unaccompanied, in the mornings.

As the summer transitioned into the school year, I also observed many younger children (primary school age) walking or even biking around the neighborhood on their own. At the public library, I saw a sign announcing that children under 7 years old must be accompanied by a parent. That implied, of course, that it was perfectly fine for children 7 years and up to go to the library alone. And they could check out their own books – I was able to get my daughter her own library card as well (separate from mine).

About a month after my daughter started school, she started telling me about how one of the girls in her class walked home by herself. At dismal time, when most of the kids went to their parents waiting outside the school yard for pickup, or other kids went to the onsite afterschool program, this classmate left school by herself and walked home on her own. My daughter said the girl carried her house key in her pocket to let herself into her house.

After a few weeks of telling me about her classmate, my daughter started to ask if she could walk home on her own, too. I was reluctant at first, because she is only 8 years old, and we are still new to the city. But she kept bringing it up, so I said I would think about it and look into it.

I spoke with the administration of the onsite afterschool program (which she attends), and they told me there was a web form on the school website which parents can complete to give their child permission to leave school alone. They said I would have to specify which days of the week she would attend the afterschool, and which days of week she would walk home alone.

After much discussion with my daughter, I agreed that she could walk home by herself on Fridays only. She reassured me that she knew the way home from school (it’s a simple 10 minute walk along one city street), that she knew to wait at the intersections for the white man that signals pedestrians can walk (she would have to cross two intersections with traffic lights), that she knew the code to dial to buzz into our apartment, and that in case of any emergency, she (a) knew my phone number by heart, and (b) knew the way to a friend’s house who lives even closer to the school.

I seemed to be more nervous about the whole thing than she was. But, when the first Friday came for her to walk home alone, she started to feel scared about it, too. She needed some reassurance leading up to it, and I agreed to wait for her outside in the park right near our apartment. It went off without a hitch, and it was such a heartwarming feeling to see my daughter walking down the street towards me all by herself. When she caught sight of me, she ran the rest of the way and I gave her a big hug, telling her how proud I was.

I can’t imagine this being an option in America. At her elementary school in Florida, children could not leave the school unaccompanied; it wasn’t until middle school that children were allowed to walk themselves home. Not to mention, they regularly practiced active shooter drills in the classroom.

At her current school, there doesn’t even seem to be any lower age limit – on the web form, you could even give your 5 year old kindergartener permission to walk home alone. That would be unthinkable in the US today. Canada is not a perfect place, but there is certainly less violent crime and more societal trust as compared to the United States.